Friday, July 18, 2014

"Because of your love...."

My sweet blogging friend, GINA, published a post that came straight from her heart 
and it touched MY heart so much that it made me cry.

It's all about being so quick to judge someone.

One of my best friends in junior high and high school
was gay.
Of course, I had no idea about her being gay way back there in the 50's.

She was a good friend to me...and we stayed in touch all thru the years.
She lived 400 miles away from me so I didn't see her often....
a couple of class school reunions...

She tried.....
she married a local boy and had a beautiful baby girl.

But, it just didn't work for her.


She left our hometown a few years later
and made a life for herself and her pretty baby girl.

She found "the love of her life" after moving and the two raised the little girl together.
 They both loved the baby dearly.

As the years passed and the little girl grew up, she forgot to

She married and had a little girl of her own that
(this fact hurts me so bad I can barely type)

and, of course, my friend, the grandmother, never had the pleasure of the blessing of her grandchild.

 Because the daughter of my friend judged...
and didn't approve of the lifestyle involved,
SHE lost her mother...
MOTHER lost her daughter...
GRANDMOTHER lost her grandgirl...
GRANDGIRL lost her grandmother.

O, how much love and understanding was needed here...
but it never happened.

My friend passed away last month of cancer.
Her mate of over 50 years is devastated...
just as I would be if I lost MY mate, Mr. Sweet.

My heart broke when she told us that she didn't know where my friend's daughter lived.
She said my friend never heard from her girl.

Because my friend's daughter judged her mother's lifestyle,
every single one involved suffered.
Because she couldn't accept things as they were,
hearts were broken forever.

I pray all the time to let me realize that God wants us to love one another,
regardless of what each believe.
When do we learn to accept people and their beliefs as they are..?

I WANT TO BE a better person.
I want to learn to accept things as they are and not think
that just because I think one way means MY way is the only way. many times I've chosen the wrong way and my friend
hugged me and said, "Everything's gonna be ok."
THAT'S the kind of person I strive to be.

I want to see the beauty in every single soul I know and meet.
So what if their beliefs are different from mine...
who says MY beliefs are the RIGHT ones...?

Let me know that all GOD wants is for us to LOVE and BELIEVE in HIM
and to love one another.

"Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE."

Ephesians 4:2

"There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?"
James 4:12

I want to be a better person because HE wants me to be.

And, I wish I could have held my friend's hand during her dark days.
She didn't want anyone to know how sick she was because
 she was too afraid everyone would judge her.

I can say with truthfulness that I didn't judge her.
I loved her...
MY lifestyle suited ME.
HER lifestyle suited HER.

I wish she had had more happiness...with her girl....with her grandgirl.
She was a wonderful person....and
I know she is happy where she is now and that makes my heart happy.

If you get a chance, go by and read GINA'S beautiful post.
I think it will bless you as it did me.


  1. Such heartache in this world...tough've obviously given it much thought.


  2. I believe this is the best thing I've ever seen you post.. The very BEST~! I am in hopes that there are many of YOU's in this world.. You know a GOD that all should know and I hope one day very soon they will..
    My ex husbands son was gay and didnt come out until he'd had aids for 2 years and by then not much but Love him could be done. He was a good, kind hardworking man but My ex would not accept him and banished him from our lives. Soon I realized I could'nt share a life with someone who's heart was that closed and hard and so I banished him from my life. I contacted the son and did what I could to help make the end of his life comfortable and he defiinatly was not Alone....

    thank you BJ

  3. if people are kind, good, i try not to judge anything else.

  4. So very sad that the girl was unable to have any relationship with her mother at all.

  5. BJ, I can't believe I'm going to talk about this but I am. My most precious youngest son is gay. We've known from the time he was a toddler - we could just tell. There's not one ounce of my soul that believes he wasn't "wonderfully made" this way. It wasn't something he chose. He has suffered tremendously because of it starting from the time he was probably in 4th grade. He has been ridiculed and teased. He has been to hell and back with depression. He has considered taking his own life. My husband and I had years to see that he was probably gay so when he told us it wasn't a surprise. We just love him so much as you would any child. Life is harder for him though which was our greatest fear of all. The biggest lesson it has taught us is to accept others. Almost all people do the best they can with who they are and what they have...we can't be too hard on them. Thank you for your sweet post today.

  6. My sister's stepson is Gay. I love this boy with all my heart. He has a sweet partner. I love him too. They are good and kind to each other and to those around them. Her ex-brother-in-law is also Gay and has always been one of my favorite people.

    I'll tell you the way I look at this.........

    God is the only judge. He will judge as He see's fit. But I do know one thing. It is not my place, but His.
    And He will also judge me of how I treat people no matter of race, sexual preference, or religion. He will never
    punish/judge me for anyone being Gay but He will punish/judge me by the way I treat them. I know what the scripture
    says. I also know that my nephew would not have chosen this as his life but he is making the best of who he is.
    Just as I am with all my sins and faults that the Lord has forgiven me for and forgives me for everyday.

    My heart breaks to know that this girl never knew the love her Mom had for her or let the grandchild know her grandmother's love. That she passed away without ever having that love returned. God Bless her.

  7. I could and NEVER will understand why some judge others...but that's not for me to judge them either. My motto is live and let live....this was a phenomenal read bj.

    Oh, and LOVED your New Mexico fence!!!

  8. What ever will be will be. We have no choice in what others decide. I try to remind my grown daughters that nothing is good or bad, it just is.

  9. A wonderful post, BJ. It is not up to us to judge.

  10. such a beautiful heart felt post, such a tragedy, I am so sorry for everyone's loss,

  11. Hi Bj, I am trying to catch up with friends tonight and have some me time. I don't understand why people treat people as they do. I try to treat people how I want them to treat me. I don't care about all of the other stuff whether gay or not, what religion, and all. There is only one person to judge and that is God. I am sorry about your friend. People all make decisions and why they make them the way they do I don't understand. Just take care. Hugs and Prayers from your Missouri Friend.

  12. bj, I speak very little as far as the details of my childrens lives. As you know. I have/had seven. One of my sons is gay. He tired like your friend did. He married and had a son,who now has a son.
    When my husband of 43 years died, some years later I remarried and moved away to a new community. I met a lovely lady, and we became fast friends and did things together, church, shopping, antiqueing, lunches out, talked for hours and we had a great time. One day while driving in the car to go shopping, somehow the subject came up..but not by me. Anyway, she suddenly said "I think all of the homosexuals should be shot or we should give them a state of their own. They should not be allowed to live among us! She was so adamant when she said it that I couldn't even speak. I felt the pain shoot right through me. I fought crying..or telling her to stop the car and let me out! It was a horrible moment. I sat wondering if I should tell her of my son, and decided not to. We stayed friends..but it was never the same for me. I distanced myself and she never knew why. I often thought of telling her but knowing how she felt I just didn't. After my second husband passed away..I moved back home and I admit to not saying goodbye. Somehow she found me and called me. It went alright but I felt stiff and so sad. I was sad because I couldn't act normal and she knew I wasn't myself. I loved my friend. She was gentle and kind the entire time I knew her. She gave coats to coatless children at the school every Winter where she had worked for many years.
    I still hurt when I think of what she said. I adore my son. He is the sweetest man. My friend died not long ago. Her daughter called to tell me... How I wish I could have somehow made things turn out differently. A couple of days ago I came across a card she had sent me with a stamped and addressed envelope and writing paper...urging me t write to her. I didn't Wherever she is...I forgive her. She didn't know. It wasn't her fault..a lot of folks are like her. It just is what it is. Thank you for your post, bj.

  13. Oh, BJ, how very sad! As Christians we're to love others. What would Jesus do? We know he loves everyone. We may not agree with what a person does but we are commanded to 'love one another'. I can't imagine living my life and never seeing my child again or my grandchild. This daughter is having to live with her decision. So so sad. God bless you for bringing something like this up.
    You are the sweetie,
    Shelia :)

  14. Bless you for this post. I know so many who don't let love overcome some obstacle...this, money, something else... It breaks my heart.... One time a woman disowned forever her daughter for a biracial relationship. I know that nothing like that is worth it. You are very kind and strong and brave!

  15. A very good post. So important to love one another.

  16. Wonderful post, BJ. Despite being 'pooped-out' tonight, I was led to read this ... then reflect on my own judgments. It's never too late to change one's point of view, is it?
    Now, I'm going to blow my nose :) and visit Gina's post as you suggested.

  17. First off, this has been my favorite post of yours to date.

    I've been a supporter of LGBT rights for a long time, and while things have been going at light-speed in comparison to half a century ago they are still many people in the closet, so many suicides, and so much heartache. Studies have found that roughly 8% of the population falls in the LGBT community, and if you happen to know about a hundred people then statistics are pretty likely that at least one out of the hundred people is gay.

    As I mentioned before on Neko Random, I attend a Unitarian Universalist Church which welcomes everyone from all faiths, and lack of religion, and we have quite a notable amount of openly gay members. Since every UU member history is unique, I often hear stories of people's pasts, and one of our members (age around late 40s) broke down crying about the harassment and pain she suffered when people found out when she was in her 20s.

    I think a lot of homophobic people forget that we are all human.

  18. I can't imagine never wanting to see my loved ones, whether I agreed with them or not. My good friend never gets to see her daughter and her children due to some disagreement that happened years ago. It's just so tragic and unnecessary that these things happen for whatever reason. Why can't we all just love one another and get along?
    I'm sorry about your friend. Take care, bj.

  19. Yes, B.J. there are ALL kinds of LOVE in this WORLD! I try really hard not to judge! I can't imagine the heartbreak your friend must have felt to have that distance between her, her daughter and grandchild:( SO SAD! Sending HUGS and PRAYERS your way!

  20. Live and let live has been my motto. I try not to judge anyone. Like the old saying goes if you can't say anything nice do not say anything at all. My heart broke hearing this story. I know your friend is in a better place now and I pray that her granddaughter will some day now her grandmother was a fine person. Have a blessed day. Madeline

  21. Great written text ...
    Yours :)

  22. Love this post. So sorry for the loss of your good friend.

  23. I want these things too! Life can get complicated but God's love stays the same.

  24. Hi BJ,

    Such a heartfelt post today, and I can feel your deep concern and worry about your dear friend's predicament. May she rest in peace.


  25. You were and continue to be a trusting, loyal and accepting friend. She was fortunate to have you in her life. Life is a funny thing with it's twists and turns in family relationships Being a Family Historian has shown me that. Somehow someday, the granddaughter will find a way to know her grandmother, and your thoughtful words well may be the light to show her the way.
    Sue at CollectInTexas Gal

  26. Well said bj . . . very sad for that lovely friend to be rejected, not appreciated, loved . . .
    I keep it very simple . . . simply said . . . be kind to one another . . .

  27. I'm sorry for your loss. You will miss your friend. How sad that her daughter could not accept her mother's lifestyle.

  28. Dear bj, I’m sorry for the loss of your dear friend. A heartbreaking story.
    I enjoyed your scriptures on todays post, thank you. Take care sweet friend, I’ve missed you................

  29. WOW BJ...your story is incredible and I believe we just cannot be reminded enough to just live and let live and love without strings...thanks for the mention...your post was very dear...

  30. Having JUST gotten our precious granddaughter I can not imagine if she was taken away. I do not write about this either BJ but our son is gay. He has suffeered, been beaten up, became an alcoholic trying to fight it, etc., etc. (He is now 18 years sober). He is a WONDERFUL man, son, friend. We knew since he was a toddler too. But GOD created him. NO mistakes. It breaks my heart when people can not accept a gay person. They DO NT choose this life. Thank you for this post. My heart breaks for your frtiend. Truly. XO


Thanks so much for visiting and commenting.
xo bj