Sunday, October 15, 2017

..a hard time

Dearest Blogging Friends...

I say THANK YOU again
for all the prayers, love, caring, and support you have given me 
during the worst time I can imagine.
Losing Mr. Sweet has been such a hard blow
and I don't mind confessing it has been a nightmare for me.

I know, on the one hand, he will never be back on God's Earth...
but, for some reason I can't explain, 
I wake up every morning, thinking,
maybe this is just a big ole bad dream.

But it's not...

I also don't mind confessing that I have cried for days on end,
never getting off my sofa.
Our kids have taken such good care of me...
and they decided, along with me, that I was in a depressed state
and needed something to help calm the way
at least until I can get my feet back on the ground.

The trauma and stress since February has brought on several
health problems for me but I am under good doctor care
and I think things will even out in time.

Along with GOD'S help, family support, meds and friends,
I know I have to MAKE myself get up ea morning,
shower, dress and put on makeup...
these have always sounded like such little things, they are HUGE.

I have to MAKE myself get out more...
It's only been 3 months since Mr. Sweet arrived in his Heavenly Home..
it's all so very raw right now.
Being with him for almost 60 yrs just ripped out most of my heart when
he left us.

When I cry...please know I am not crying for HIM...
Oh, no...
I am so thankful he is where he is well,
where he has no job at all other than to walk and talk with our sweet
Jesus Christ...
and to love our Heavenly Father.

I cry for our children and grands..
I cry for me....
I've never been alone in my whole life...
but, now, my life partner isn't here anymore.
...and it's hard !
To ease my way back into blogging more regularly,
I want to share just a few photos of our new WHITE kitchen.

Before all the whole house was painted WHITE,
the kitchen had brown doors on the cabinets...

This photo taken in 2015 is the only one I found quickly showing the brown doors...

but now they are a beautiful white...

and I am really enjoying the new large, black iron handles for the doors and the drawers.

I added a cute washed turquoise "farmer's market" sign.

and, staying in with my usual FOOD post,

 These were always one of Mr. Sweet's favorite...
and mine, too.

I just add melted butter, sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon
and bake to a golden brown..
in the frozen food department at your grocery store....

Love to all, bj


  1. Oh, my dear friend, I pray for you so often. I'm so glad your children are making sure you are taken care of. Rest and let the tears fall. Your new white kitchen is so cheery. Holding you up to the Father and asking for comfort and strength as you go through the days.

  2. BJ, I think of you every day and say a little prayer. Take care my dear blogging friend.

    God bless.

  3. I love pie, too, and this looks so good. Keeping you in my prayers!

  4. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all the sorrow disappear from your life, bj. I can't imagine what you are going, too. It is like cutting off a limb when you have been with someone that long-it is like losing part of yourself.

    I am so happy you have family there to help ease the transition. Thank God you had moved into your new home a couple of years ago. That way you have family right there with you.

    I do think that getting up, showering, brushing your teeth, getting dressed and putting on a dab of makeup sets the tone for the day. I know it puts me in the "go" mood, even when I don't feel like "going".

    I love your kitchen cabinets and am so glad you painted them white. I find white cabinets are just cheerier somehow. I hope you have a blessed night and a good week ahead of you. Love to you- xo Diana

  5. My darling sweet friend. 3 months isn't long - 3 years, 3 decades.............grief stays with a person.....what happens is the sharp edges soften a bit as time heals the's completely understandable. Bless your heart, bj! I am so happy you are blessed with a loving family - you both did such a good job rearing your children!

    For whatever it is worth, should you want to get away and come to Columbus, Ohio and stay with me for a while - long as you want - we could shop and bake and go to movies and play - and it won't cost you a thing, just the getting here. Think about it. I grew up in a huge family and have never gotten used to an empty house - so I'd welcome the friendship time with you.

    The holidays are going to be rough on you. My invitation is an open one for whenever, if ever, ok?

    Prayers and lots of sisterly love to you. xxoo ♥

  6. Dear BJ,
    Even though I can not imagine your grief., I can understand it. My Mother went through a terrible depression when my Dad died. She would not eat , she could not talk to people without crying hysterically and we were fearful she would even take her own life. It is important that you seek treatment and care for yourself because you have children and grandchildren who need you and love you very much. You still have a life left to lead.. My Mom lived for 18 years after my Dad passed and made a good life without him filled with family and friends even though for those 18 years, she only ever wanted to be with the love of her life. They are together now.....
    Take care and sending you many hugs,

  7. Dear Bj,
    I can't even begin to know what you are going through and the heartache you experience everyday. Sixty years is a very long time to spend with someone and it will take a long time for the pain to soften. I am happy that you have a loving family that is seeing to it that you get the care you need. Just know that we are all here for you and are praying for you.

  8. Love the white cabinets💙 My friend Marion lost her husband and she is right there with you🙏🏼. I sure wish you and she could meet and talk. I know you are doing what you can to feel better and I know that your family is loving you thru the pain. I love you B. J. and praying for you🙏🏼.

  9. My heart goes out to you my friend. It's the hardest thing to go through and I know you are a strong person with an even stronger faith. Don't give up...and we'll all pray for you! Love the white in your light and bright. Sending you lots of hugs, Diane

  10. I'm sending well wishes your way. I can only imagine your grief. Two soul mates often are like two sides of the same coin, almost impossible to imagine one without the other.

  11. I am so, so sorry BJ....No one can even begin to imagine the sadness you are feeling and it is so natural...loss is incredibly hard...only time and love from your children will help bring you happiness again. I love, love your kitchen suits you well. Take good care....warm hugs from me to you.

  12. I understand how hard this change in your life is. I'm so glad you are surrounded by the love of your family and friends and God's healing hands. I think of you often and so I'm always happy to see a post here. Continue to take care of yourself and putting one foot in front of the other. We love you BJ!!

  13. BJ, my heart aches for you! It's a blessing to have your family and friends near you and, of course, God is there with you, He will never leave you!
    My prayers are with you and your family.

    I really like your new white kitchen; so much brighter and cheerful!
    Take care, BJ; God bless you!

  14. Dearest BJ, You have walked through a trail in the valley of tears and it is to be expected you have suffered physical ailments as well as emotional ones with your heart breaking. I can tell you that I haven't lost a husband, but parents and a sister who was like a mom to me and I still have dreams where I think I"ll wake up and they'll be with me still. I'm glad you redid your kitchen-it is beautiful and I'm sure brings joy to you, though you may wonder if you'll ever have joy again. Dear one, please know that many are praying for you. It will take time to find your new normal, but I know you will. Some day you will be able to encourage another wife going through the same journey.

  15. BJ, We understand your agony. You are in our hearts and prayers. We are your blog family, that loves you. Stick with your children , see your Dr. when you need too....please take care of yourself. Love you, xoxo, Susie

  16. I know Sorrow, dear Lady... and our best to you in these dark times... take care... you have a close Family that Loves You...

  17. Oh, Dear BJ, my heart still breaks for you. I can't imagine what you've gone through and what you're going through now. I'm so thankful Mr. Sweet is with Jesus and you know you'll see him again one day. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be. Again, I'm thankful you have your loving family around you. Just take care of yourself. Please know I love you, even though we've never met in person, we've met through our hearts. Just think...we've been around since Rate My Space!! :) Love your white kitchen and love you.
    Shelia :)

  18. How good to have children who keep a good eye on their mom. God bless them. So glad that you are doing better than before. I didn’t get dressed yesterday and sneaked out to my mailbox after dark wearing a trenchcoat. You would’ve laughed to see me. I’m glad that my kids didn’t or they might have hauled me off. You keep taking good care of you. Bill would definitely want that! Praying for God to gently carry you through this roughest patch.

    Oh my goodness, BJ, the cabinets look beautiful and I like the new hardware, too! Keep decorating!

  19. I think of you often and am saying a prayer right now that God will comfort your broken heart and calm your troubled spirit. I can't imagine what you are going through. So many years together. And such a quick departure.
    I know you are thankful for your family and that you are safe and sound close to them. You and Mr. SWeet were am atch made in heaven and he is there waiting for you. Louis Dean sings 'On the Far Side Banks of Jordan' reminds me of you and Mr. was written by Johnny Cash.

    "Far Side Banks Of Jordan"

    I believe my steps are growing wearier each day
    Still I've got a journey on my mind
    Lures of this old world have ceased to make me want to stay
    and my one regret is leaving you behind

    If it proves to be his will that I'm the first to go
    And some how I've a feeling it will be
    When it comes time to travel likewise don't feel lost
    For I will be the first one that you'll see

    And I'll be waiting on the far side banks of Jordan
    I'll be waiting drawing pictures in the sand
    And when I see you coming I will rise up with a shout!
    And come running through the shallow waters reaching for your hand

    Through this life we've laboured hard to earn our meager fare
    It's brought us trembling hands and failing eyes
    I'll just rest here on this shore and turn my eyes away
    And then you'll come then we'll see paradise

  20. Oh my...when I saw those handles on the cabinets I just turned green with envy! Your cabinets turned out beautifully, and I think the next part of your life will too as you find your footing BJ. I recently read someone said, "Your life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you."

  21. BJ, bless your heart. It hurts me to know that you are hurting so much. I can't even imagine what it would be like to walk in your shoes right now. Please know that we are all out here praying for you. Take just little baby steps in life and do what feels right for you. Your kitchen is beautiful and I know you are surrounded by so much love there.

  22. Dearest BJ, I know things are so hard for you loosing Mr Sweet, but he would not want you to be so sad. He will always be in your heart. One day you will be together again.

    Love your kitchen, it looks terrific and I love all the black handles. Everything looks so fresh.

    I pray for you everynight and things will get better. Have you thought about a group that has lost a love one? I understand they are very good and helpful.

    Take care of yourself and be well.

    Lots of hugs,

  23. Hugs to you!
    Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage

  24. Oh, BJ - how hard it must be to be separated from your life partner. How wonderful to know that you will see him again one day. I'm glad your children are taking good care of you, and that you are under a doctor's care. Your kitchen is beautiful.

  25. I think of you and pray for you often. Hugs to you, bj! xoxo

  26. Dear Bj I can only imagine what you must have gone through since your Mr.Sweet left this earth. Your post brought tears to my eyes. You have encouraged me to show more love and make more memories with my hubby and loved ones. We don't know when our Lord will call us home to be with him, so each day should be lived out to show our love. Thanks for posting and know I am praying for you.
    I love your white cabinets. White kitchens has always been my favorite.

  27. Sweet little post. I pray you will soon get to a new normal. I can only imagine what your going through. If I lost my husband I would be so lost, lonely and broken. As I get older I think a lot that one day one of us will have to face this heart ache. Its all part of Gods plan.
    I love the farmers market sign. Keep the pictures coming. I need those kitchen inspirations.

  28. Hugs to you, bj -- the grieving process is a long and lonely road but you walk toward peace. Blessings to you on this spiritual journey.

  29. It brings an ache in my heart to hear your sorrow, grief, loss . . .
    60 years is a long, long time to have had your love near and now absent from you . . .
    You said it well bj, your sadness is not for your sweet, he is st rest, but for your family, for you.
    I thought it was the most solitary feeling I had ever experience when my late husband died.
    I had to “get through something alone” without him beside me.
    No one else could do it for me . . .
    God stayed with me, helped pick me up, dust myself off, each time I fell to my knees in the overwhelming grief.
    It is a very tender time . . . you are important, be gentle and tender with yourself . . .
    I care about you . . .

  30. BJ, thank you for sharing your heart with us. We carry one another's burdens- that's what we are supposed to do. All of your friends here will be lifting you up.... as our hearts are with you dear. I'm so glad you know Jesus and stand on His eternal promises!

    We are weak, but He is strong!
    God bless you, Honey! Net

  31. BJ, I am so sorry to hear you are struggling so. Grief is hard, it's tricky, and it is not the same for everyone. I am so thankful you have such wonderful loving children to walk this path alongside you, and those precious grands of yours! Something I know has helped friends who have been through this is to journal, writing down just "one" bright spot in their day. While at first it seems so small, over the days, weeks and months you will see they add up and you can look back on them.
    You and the family will continue to be in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. Much love XOXO

  32. This post brought tears to my eyes. I want you to know that I have been saying a pray for you each night and morning. I love your new white kitchen. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Have a blessed day. Madeline

  33. Oh BJ. It must be so difficult to carry on without your dear husband. I'm glad you are under a doctor's care and we know that God made scientists and showed them how to make medicine to help us through illnesses. God bless you and surround you with his comforting arms. Keep in mind all the beautiful times you had with your husband and let your sweet family take care of you. Your kitchen looks beautiful in white! I like it a lot. Take care. Blessings. Pam

  34. It is so good that you have your sweet family looking after you. Sending you gentle hugs.
    p.s. love the white kitchen cabinets.

  35. Love the white cabinets and black handles....I pray each night for you and I know God is lifting you up. And I am sure Mr. Sweet is watching you too! Take care and keep taking those baby steps...


  36. I can't even imagine, and I don't want to but please know I think about you and what you are going through. I say little prayers for you to find strength to help you through so you can get ego a place you have peace. I love your pretty new white kitchen. It makes everything feel so clean and just sparkles. I did mine a couple years back and I am so glad I did. May you have a peaceful day. God Bless...........

  37. I'm happy to know your kids are always there for you. I can't imagine how you feel. I went through this with my best friend when she lost her husband.

    We were with her as much as possible.

    The cabinets are beautiful and love the blue sign.


  38. Oh bj, yes, my friend, you are still in my prayers. I'm so glad that you have family there to comfort, love, and take care of you. Maybe for me, having my son, Mike, here has been the best medicine? It has certainly been a comfort these past four years since my beloved left for his heavenly home. Love and hugs are sent to you.
    p.s. Your cabinets look bright and cheery! Love them!!

  39. As hard as it may be to see, you are making progress every single day. You really are.

    I love your sense of style as you decorate. Your kitchen cabinets look GREAT. And I love cherry pie!

    Blessings to you. I keep you in my prayers.

  40. So happy to hear you have your loving family around you and you have sought out some medical treatment. This is the worse thing in life and I am happy you have lots of support including all of us in blog land. Wishing you peace as you move forward through your grief. Prayers.

  41. Oh Dear BJ, You have been and will continue to be in my prayers. I cannot imagine! My precious Motherinlove and fatherinlove were married 60 years when the Lord called her home. I just wish I could physically hug you right now. I have cried for you dear BJ and I have prayed for you. Please know that you can ALWAYS be RAW and REAL. We love you. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

  42. Dearest BJ, I continue to remember you in prayer and that's not going to stop! You've got a powerful army of prayer warriors waging war on your behalf. So many people love you, dear one.

  43. Dear BJ, You can tell how you are loved from the comments. I think you are doing very well. Blogging is good therapy for you and sharing your feelings is good. It is good to talk about them.

    I hurt for you... I really do. I have prayed and will continue to pray for comfort, peace and hope for you! You have a wonderful family and friends to support you and you will make it one day at a time. God is our refuge and strength and only He can really help you. I know He will.

  44. We cry because we love, because we miss someone so. And I think it's a good thing. Cleansing. You must never apologize for it (I don't think you are, but never, my friend.) One day at a time. The prayers and good wishes and support of others is wonderful but in the end, you are the one who is with it 24/7. But I think you know you are not alone.

    Sending much love and wishes for your own health and healing and your loss journey.

  45. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Like Debra said above, it's a long road. Sending you lots of hugs and hugs and hugs.

  46. BJ, it was so brave of you to bare your soul and just share just where you are right now. Such a difficult difficult time to wake up everyday and face the stark reality that he's not with you and I can only imagine just how difficult it is to do the simplest of tasks that the day requires. How wonderful that your family was there to help you with the cabinets and to get them repainted, they really look lovely! I'm glad that you're under a doctor's care to help you get through this time. My prayers are with you, praying that the Lord brings you comfort through family and friends!

  47. BJ, I just said a prayer for you. Our God will comfort you and walk with you over this journey. You are one brave lady and I know that time and prayer will help you. I have enjoyed reading your blog for many years and it brings me much joy.

  48. I pray for you and the family often dear friend. Praise God for your dear family that loves you so much! Sending my love. I love the white kitchen, it is a beautiful update and I know you will be tweaking and adding more beauty to it as time goes by.
    The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

  49. Love you bj and I can't imagine how you feel with this huge hole in your life. We just took a friend of ours who lost her husband a year ago out to lunch and she shared with us about her depression and how hard it has been for her to make decisions. I pray regularly for the widows we know in our circle of friends and families. Hugs... Love that white kitchen!

  50. Life gets in the way and I have missed reading your blog. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I think the fact that you are writing about your feelings is a good step for you. My prayers are with you!

  51. Reading this post was just like reliving what our mother and family went through when we lost our dad, BJ, I certainly empathize with your heart ache, and will continue to pray for your healing.
    Your new kitchen redo is so lovely, and a new beginning.
    Blessing from me to you,

  52. Oh BJ, I have been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. Joel's sister lost her husband in June and has been going through life in much the same manner as you described yours. I'd tell you again that you are loved by so many of us (hopefully, you know that anyway ;-) ) but I know that doesn't help fill the void left by your Mr. Sweet-heart. Keep the posts coming and continue to tell us how you are feeling -- we all need to know and we also love those photos of cakes and kitchens! xxx J.

  53. Dear friend I am so glad that you are strong enough to know you needed help and that you let your family and dr. help you. My mommas been gone 6 years now and I still have those days and you know what its Ok we have to let ourselves grieve but also Live. and I think you are so strong-you might not feel it or think it but you are! Continued love, hugs and prayers sent your way.

  54. P.S. I love your white cabinets.

  55. Hang in there and hang on sweet, bj. I haven't lost a spouse but I've had a lot of loss in my life. It will get better but it will take time. As always, I'm saying a prayer for you.
    I'm so glad your sweet children are walking through this along side of you.
    Your cabinets look divine.


Your comments just make my day....thanks so much!
xo bj